Adapted from The Marriage Whisperer: Tips to Improve Your Relationship Overnight, Pam Hollinger Pickett, PhD, MSI Press ©2013. All Rights Reserved.
In my years of work with couples, I frequently ran into obstacles to relationship improvement which were self-imposed by at least one member of the couple. Although the “he-she” roles varied, one typical attitude illustrated the obstacle.
He would complain that she was too needy in wanting the relationship changes she described, after all, he would insist, “I haven’t changed, YOU have”. The problem was not his behavior it was HER new unmet needs—SHE had changed. He touted his claim as if CHANGE was the kiss of marital death.
Certainly stability is essential to lasting relationships…but no more so than change is. Mixing it up and personal growth are the roots of change that enliven and enrich a marriage. They are the pillars of “marital rut” reduction.
If you are in a relationship with someone who displays this attitude and offers a similar lament (or maybe it’s YOU?), add more emotional intelligence in your relationship with this tip.